A Piece of New England

Many colleges have denied me, now. Most of them. This has elicited many feelings.

Maybe it's just me attempting to come to terms or truly some guidance of energies, but I feel like I'm being led. Nowhere on the west coast accepted me and New York and Connecticut weren't too fond of me either. But Massachusetts... My top choice for college is there: Boston University. They denied me. But University of Massachusetts: Boston didn't. Right there in the middle of a city I fell in love with from long ago, a train ride away from everyone I love and offering a state-college education that can only bring me further than I am now. Not only do these college decisions make me feel like I'm being led, but a strange, much stronger, sensation has been coming over me that, to be honest, started from much before any university had anything to say about me:

The thought of Massachusetts is starting to feel more and more like home than California. I grew up in California. I was devoted to that piece of land. I swore I'd come back when I got the chance. Well, my senior year ends in May; I could buy my tickets to San Diego now, have my things packed for summer and be completely registered in the southern California community college system for the Fall semester. But I'm not even considering that. I never honestly did. It seems though over these past many months California has become more of an ambiguity in my sentiments. It's been the same intense change of feeling as if I've been a hardcore atheist and am now being saved by the word of God. Or, at least what I would imagine that to be like. So far the word of God, or a team of very intelligent story-tellers, hasn't come to my rescue.

Maybe someday I'll go back- when I'm not so afraid of how my hometown's changed in my absence. I want it to be the same beautiful, glorious, kind, simple, Schwarzenegger state I spent my first decade of life in. But I know it won't be. And the people I knew have changed. Not necessarily for the better, in my opinion, from what I can surmise from Facebook. Maybe I'll go back when it's become something totally new that I won't associate with the fuzzy, sunny memories of my youth.

But for now, home's become something I never really thought it would be: a piece of New England.